i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
