is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
