TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You ruined the universe
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
