She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
