Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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