I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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