Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
