So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
