And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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