half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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