lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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