We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
