we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
