please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
