you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't want my vagina anymore.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
