but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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