Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
