I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
ttyl tear gas
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
