If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
the raccoons are back...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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