I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
