He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
