just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
