My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
