I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
