So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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