Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
