Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Randomize
