last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
