Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
