did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
