from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
