I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
