New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
