We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
