I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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