even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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