Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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