I want to stick my p in your. b.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
