After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
