I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
