I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
