i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
