i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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