Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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