i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
