Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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