***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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