I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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