i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
