what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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