I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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