So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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